Apr 14, 2014

Kip McKean And The Sin Jesus Forgot

"Move over Jesus!"

Kip: "Jesus! Get on the ball! The lists of sins that you preached about in several places in the Bible were wholly insufficient! I'm surprised that I have to bring this to Your attention, Lord, but You seem to have completely forgotten the Most Important Sin of All!

"Autonomy for local church government is sin."

Jesus: "Kip, please forgive me. You are so right! I can hardly believe that this was not included in the Bible. Actually, I am going to have to have a very stern talk with the apostles up here. Well, except for John, who didn't make it. You know, as much as he wanted to be, he wasn't really My favorite. Anyways, I gave them very strict orders to include "autonomy for local church government is strictly forbidden" in the transcripts of My speeches. Actually, John was in charge of that, and he left it out, which is one of the reasons of My displeasure with him.


"You, however, Kip, are the apple of My eye. I can hardly thank you enough for being so in step with My Spirit that you were able to receive this message from Me, and properly institute the correct teaching, while also making sure that you were the head of My One True Church on Earth and in a position to enforce it.

"Autonomy for local church government is sin! Autonomy for local church government is sin! Autonomy for local church government is sin! What do you think we were talking about for 4o days after my resurrection? Did they remember nothing?

"You can take it from me, the churches MUST be led by one human leader, who will have final authority on Earth to interpret My words. Such an important task should never be left in the hands of mortals. What if they should decide to no longer send their monthly percentage of tithes to the central office? What would happen if they were to fall into Traditional Church of Christ beliefs, like that disciples can be trusted to make their own decisions for themselves?

"The results would be disastrous! The people must be told what to do! They are stubborn, and must be forced to obey! Someone must be entrusted to hold the secrets of My One True Church and SoldOut Discipleship Movement close to his chest! And most of the local evangelists are so weak-willed, they may give themselves over to abhorrent teachings like Pray Me Into Their Hearts if they aren't watched like a hawk and switched to a new city every few years to test their loyalty.

"Clearly, this whole episode reveals why the Bible is insufficient for this. Why, those apostles completely forgot to mention that sisters must hug brothers on the side, and not front to front! And that when brothers take out single sisters on Kingdom Encouragement Dates, they must never be left alone for even a moment, lest they fall into temptation and harbor an evil thought. And the whole rest of the list of sins and instructions that were left out of the Bible by the apostles but that you have so wisely intuited.

"And there is only one person on this planet whom I would trust for this great task. And you, of course, Kip, know who that person is. Obviously, the only one deep and spiritual enough to actually read My mind and add the teachings that My previous helpers so neglectfully forgot to include.

"Thank you, Kip, and keep up the great work! Make the people obey Me, and submit to your authority everywhere and in every city.

"And always remember my promise to you when I took you up on that tall mountain and showed you the splendor of my earthly Kingdom: 'One day, all this will be yours!'"

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10 comments:

  1. Kip is one of those rare cult leaders that while he think he is God actually knows he will sound crazy if he admits it, come on Kip admit it to the flock like all the other crazy cult leaders out there lol.

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    1. He certainly acts like he can make decisions on the part of God, and clearly expects everyone on the planet who wants to be saved or be a true Christian to submit to his personal authority.

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    2. The ironic thing is Kip is the most autonomous of all!

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    3. (To Anonymous, April 26): You are 100% right - great point!

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  2. This ARtilce Inst Even Real!! Kip will Never Change!! YOUR the one who Needs to Change, Not Kip! Whose the Bitter Fallaway? YOU, NOT KIP!! :) :( >:(

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    1. Um, thank you for commenting, I think ....

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  3. My heart hurts for you that have been manipulated and abused by this leader of the world. Be so very thankful that you are not blinded any longer. Pray for him daily and your hearts will be healed from the pain that he has afflicted. He is demonic! I have just learned about him and my child has gotten involved with this leader and our family initially was devastated. We are Bible believing Christians but not according to Kip. So we are praying fasting and waiting for our child to see the truth and repent. Yes Repent! It is sin to worship Kip and his teachings. We are to worship God and his word. We will be here with loving arms and not I told you so. You who have been abused, manipulated and gave sacrificially financially and emotionally. You walk away wounded but not destroyed. God is with you and he knows everything. God will not be mocked. The price he has to pay is the "eternal damnation"! You have repented for your part of this ruler of darkness kingdom. You hold on to Jesus and he will bless you and you will be with Jesus in heaven.

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    1. Thanks for your words! And I'm sorry that your child has gotten caught up in this group. Please keep me updated - I'd especially love to hear when he/she escapes.

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  4. You guys have to get a hold of the 2014 GLC brochure. I can't believe no one noticed, but on the list of sermons, kip put the sermon name and his name as follows: "Savior of the World - Kip McKean"

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    1. A true Freudian slip! Or maybe, an attempt at subliminal messaging? Thanks for commenting.

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