Kip McKean Repents and Apologizes! (Yeah, Right)

Today Kip McKean released a formal statement:

"I would truly like to apologize for every single person that I have hurt over the course of my leadership. I have now come to grips with the fact that I am not like normal folk, and I should never have tried to force others to be like me.

"Additionally, I apologize for the gross misuse of church funds, and for paying myself a salary in the hundreds of thousands of dollars, when Jesus, who I claim to be my hero, lived so simply and humbly that he famously didn't even have a place to "lay his head."

"Specifically, I would like to apologize for spending over $650,000 dollars that my followers sacrificed so hard to give me, to purchase a luxury condo in the Pacific Palisades, when I could have used those dollars so much more wisely to further the Kingdom.

"I would also like to apologize for pretending that the ICOC, and now the ICC, were the only One True Church on the planet. I don't seriously believe that over 7,152,000,000 people on the planet today would die and go to hell. I did believe it at first, when I was a naive campus student, but I eventually grew up and realized how ridiculous it was. However, by then I was trapped in the web of lies that I had created, and a slave to my lifestyle and income, and the legions of people who would do whatever, and I mean whatever, I told them. Please understand my addiction. I need to be loved! I need to be lifted up! I need to be the star! So I had little choice.

"I apologize for trying to control every minute aspect of the lives of so many people. My psychiatrist has helped me to see that these are just manifestations of my narcissistic and sociopathic tendencies. So it's not really my fault. But forgive me anyways.

"I apologize for misrepresenting the truth in so many ways, and so many times, and for manipulating others to do the same for me. I really just wanted you to see my point of view and do what I told you to do.

"I'd like to apologize for slandering and trash-talking anyone - group or individual - who has stood in my way of ascent to ever-greater power and glory.

"I am so, so deeply sorry for the many times that I used threats to try to get my way, even threats to try to destroy people's families. That was just wrong.

"Please accept my apologies, and when you are willing and able, to extend your forgiveness to me.

"As a token of good faith, I hereby pledge to donate every single penny I have received as compensation from the City of Angels International Christian Church, the SoldOut Discipling Movement, and all affiliated organizations, to non-church affiliated charities, and no longer accept any more money from the church.

"I admit that I am dangerous due to my high charisma, and hereby vow to not step back into church leadership of any type. By the way, the Bible isn't really true anyway so feel free to officially turn the church into a social club. Sorry, there I go again, trying to tell you what to do. I'll stop now.

Sincerely, Thomas Wayne "Kip" McKean,
April 1, 2014

#aprilfools #wishitweretrue

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